To get what you want, try saying nothing, or in the words of the Glaser’s book title, Be Quiet, Be Heard, The Paradox of Persuasion.
This is a great thought piece for all of us – but especially the humble and introverts who think they have to change to be effective. In a recent evaluation of coaching we completed, listening and asking good questions were perceived as having the biggest impact on people achieving their objectives.
“A well-deployed silence can radiate confidence and connection. The trouble is, so many of us are awful at it.” So writes Rachel Feintzeig in the Wall Street Journal, and we couldn’t agree more. Most of us rush in to fill any void in a conversation, but remaining still can reap untold benefits.
Strategic silence can help in negotiations and selling. Instead of countering every point, try embracing a pause and soon you may find your counterpart jumping in with valuable information that will help you understand their needs and close.
Sometimes holding your tongue can feel like going against biology. Humans are social animals, says Robert N. Kraft, professor emeritus of cognitive psychology at Ohio’s Otterbein University. “Our method of connecting— and we crave it — is talking.” For years, Kraft assigned his students a day without words, and many students also found that when forced to stop talking, they bonded better with their peers.
Without pauses, we’re generally worse speakers, going off on tangents, stumbling over sounds, offering TMI (too much information), and maybe saying things we later regret. We can also put undue stress on ourselves, as talking to excess can raise our blood pressure, adrenaline and cortisol. So, the next time you are unsure of what to say, try saying nothing at all.
https://www.theglasers.com/communication-capsule-blog/silence-the-secret-weapon
