In this year’s World Happiness Report, which ranks 143 countries across measures of life satisfaction, the New Zealand came in at No. 11 – down one place from 2023.
While Kiwi’s older than age 60 ranked No. 6 for happiness, those younger than 30 ranked 27th.
A growing body of research reveals that youth mental health is deteriorating. In 2021, 42% of U.S. high school students felt persistently sad or hopeless, according to data from the Centers for Disease Control. And 22% seriously considered committing suicide.
Experts say a wide range of factors could be affecting today’s youth including social media use, climate change, and lack of class fluidity.
Renowned psychotherapist Esther Perel names a different culprit: relationships, or lack thereof.
“I think people are more lonely because they are less adept at being in relationships as that involves conflict, friction and differences,” she says. “An enormous amount of people are cutting off friends and family members like never before.”
Perel believes young Americans’ emphasis on being their most authentic selves comes at the expense of forming connections. In reality, you learn a lot about yourself through friendships, partnerships, and generally relating to other people.
‘Relationships demand obligation’
Many psychology terms popularized by social media are about protecting yourself from people or experiences that might be harmful to your mental health.
“Therapy speak of a certain kind has the word ‘self’ in front of everything — self-awareness, self-realization, self-fulfillment, self-care, self-image,” Perel says.
This overcorrection has led to young people sacrificing community because they don’t want to compromise their comfort.
“Today, being true to myself is more important than preserving my relationships,” Perel says.
Service-oriented apps also make reliance on community less necessary. Being sick and unable to pick up a prescription used to require some help from a friend. Now, you can just get your medicine delivered. If your partner can no longer drive you to the airport, you don’t ask a neighbor for last-minute help. You schedule a car on a ride-haling app.
For older generations, exchanging favors over time contributed to the formation of a thriving, in-person, social network. Today’s young people aren’t making these small investments.
Only 32% of Americans 30 and younger say they have five or more close friends, according to 2023 data from Pew Research Center. For those those 65 and older that number jumps to 49%.
“Relationships demand obligation,” Perel says. “Communities demand obligation. Communities are not just there to serve our needs. Your community gives you belonging in return for your obligation to the wellbeing of others.”
Being a positive presence 100% of the time is not a realistic expectation to have of others or a prerequisite for you engaging with them. In fact, it can keep you from forming valuable connections.
